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FUR TRAPPERS room BORN, not MADE The scientific research of hair trapping cannot be learned through practice, endure nor academic pursuit. The true fur trapper is born with a mouthful of blood and hair! ns was born in a hollow log and also reared at the cake teat that a wild boar. As shortly as my legs might bear my weight, i slew the bristly beast that mothered me and also bit the skin indigenous its body v my scarce child teeth. Also to this day, I use the jawbone the this pet to kill any beast or man who looks me in the eyes.
I have gotten in the hair trade because that two reasons only:
First: To satisfy my customers fully. Ns pledge to sell the ideal traps at the lowest prices. I promise to salary the highest possible prices for even the most inferior that furs.
Second: To pour out the blood that as many living creatures as I can.
My esteemed competitor, P.B. Fouke, cannot do the same claims. He is the pampered son of a poet and also a schoolmarm, and his beardless foppery is a testimony to the weak will certainly which steers his business. I have the utmost respect because that my friend and also competitor, but I will say v truth and honesty that while he has actually a taste because that blood, he has actually no thirst for it.
The passion for killing and also skinning beasts courses v my veins, and also I promise to use my substantial expertise come glorify myself and also to do you, my customer, a wealthy man!
I guarantee THE greatest PRICES FOR your FURS i will offer you premium dollars for your inferior furs! Send me your many soiled and mangy furs, send me your ripped and also tattered pelts, due to the fact that I will offer you much more money than any kind of other fur buyer.
How have the right to I offer such astounding prices for my furs? Unlike mine dear friend and also rival P.B. Fouke (it pains me come even call him mine competitor, for this reason close is that to my heart), I sell my furs to only the many evil and nefarious buyers! mine buyers have been actors aside by polite society, and also no reliable businessman in America would certainly dare come trade with their ilk. Swanton minks kind the flowing stoles of America"s prostitutes. Swanton elkhides room stitched together to develop the garments of the nation"s many violent pirates. I am proud come report that i sell an ext furs to scoundrels, rapists, murderers, thieves and also perverts than any type of other fur agency in the world.
Whether girlfriend hand me the best beaver pelt or a barely identifiable hunk the gristle, ns will sell you peak dollar for your kill. In fact, do not hesitate to hand me pelts i beg your pardon most fur traders would have actually moral reservations in accepting, such together the furs of housecats and also the scalps the women. I will certainly take them there is no question and protect the anonymity of our dealings from all inquiring lawmen.
I trade IN INHUMANE PRODUCTS mine traps are the cruelest traps known to man. I spare no price in the development of mine traps, and I put my full belief in the lethal abilities of mine product. My Waccamaw Eyebleed trap have the right to kill an elk more slowly than any type of other catch in the world, and also I stake my call on the case that the elk will be totally lucid and conscious of his plight until the very 2nd he expires. The Carolina Razorframe trap can extend the death of a boar for as much as sixteen days; the beast will certainly be in incomprehensible pain, and also each 2nd will feel prefer an eternity as it is gradually minced and destroyed by the well wires that agonizingly collapse end its body- and also yet its hair remains intact!
I offer you this traps at extraordinary discounts! Though i make no profit from their sale, the satisfaction I gain from the deaths of each of these animals is payment enough for me.
I EMPLOY only THE WEAK and also INFIRM ns trust no guy with the procedure of my business, and I will never ever name a successor. You have only my lifetime to address me, for as soon as I am dead ns shall take my service to my grave. I make every decision and mastermind every service policy. Ns hire only orphaned children, idiots, old men, cripples and men pushed mad by syphilis. I pay these creatures a just pittance, and also many males have fell down from overwork under mine watchful eye. I pass these significant monetary savings come you, mine customer.
I hereby check in writing that ns buy kids from your parents and use them to check my traps. If this truth repulses you, I dare you to be swindled by the high prices of another trap & bait wholesaler. I dare you to expropriate the paltry sums available by one more fur buyer. Ns encourage you to fall into the perfumed eight of my lifelong friend and most esteemed colleague, P.B. Fouke.
I take NO pride IN my CLAIMS ns seek only to education you, mine prospective customer, about my history and methods. Ns am not a braggart, however I execute not shrink indigenous the truth for the function of humility. I am no a prideful or boastful man, however only through detailing the true and verifiable facts of myself and also my service can i properly describe my methods. Ns will currently lay the end my perform of feats, superior traits, and also admirable deeds:
I deserve to lift a fully-grown horse over my head, and I deserve to hold mine breath for ten minutes. To settle a wager, I when ate a lb of P.B. Fouke"s the strongest badger poison and also then ran a mile in the nude. Ns cannot feeling pain, and I deserve to see for two miles unaided through a lens. No man can kill me. I have beaten a male of every race in official combat, including a Turk, a Pygmy negro Man and also a rarely Deepwater Jew. A clinical doctor and two priests have written and also signed a file confirming the I have no soul. Over there is no varieties of fauna in America i beg your pardon I have not personal killed and also skinned. I will never sire a child because I loathe women. I bathe only as soon as a year in one icy pond. Ns have scorched down one church every month because that the critical thirty years, and I will never ever be carried to justice since all lawmen fear me.
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I sell YOU 5 HUNDRED DOLLARS for THE SKIN of P.B. FOUKE My faithful friend and most trusted associate in the fur trade, the honorable P.B. Fouke, has actually been my main source of vain for practically two decades. Though Mr. Fouke is a kind, honest, and jolly guy who has constantly maintained his company to a conventional of excellence unattainable by lesser types, I should hereby market a ransom because that his skin. I will take no happiness in the fatality of my great friend, but I am passionate to take over his considerable fur empire and rule his worse employees under the flesh-rending sting of my bullwhip. Happy hunting, to ~ customers!
YOUR DEALS will certainly BE PAINLESS- UNLIKE my TRAPS ns certify through my signature the the entire content that this letter is sworn and true. Although I execute not deny that i am one evil male to my core, ns am no liar and I would never cheat a customer.