This happens a lot: you're dating someone consistently and he seems to really like you, but you get the feeling he's not gunning for a committed relationship. So what are the specific signs that this guy—as pleasantly as things are going—does NOT plan to stick around long-term? I've seen the signs a million times, but just to confirm my suspicions, I asked an actual guy named Mike what he tends to do when he doesn't plan to end up in a relationship with someone he's dating. Here are 11 telltale signs:
1. He texts instead of calls, or he texts more often than he calls. When a guy likes a girl, he wants to hear her voice. "Texting is not an easy way to communicate—it's an easy way to avoid communication," says Mike.
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2. He finds reasons to blow you off or be late more times than not. Maybe he's just flaky or disorganized, you say? Don't make excuses. If a guy likes you and wants to continue hanging out with you, he'll find a way to do so. Adds Mike: "I'll come in to work 1 hour early if I want to get off in time to pick up cooking ingredients for a dinner date with someone I like."
3. He talks to his ex-girlfriends. Nothing makes a guy forget his ex like a girl he wants to be with. If he continues talking with an ex, that's the first sign that he's either not over a prior girlfriend or he's just not that in to you.
4. He avoids introducing you to his friends. He should be proud of you, want to show you off, and want to include you in his life.
"Why do we have to go out with my friends when we can dress up and stay at home?"
5. He avoids even minor instances of intimacy in public. "Listen, not all guys are comfortable with PDA. Not everyone likes to make out for the whole world to see. But when I really like someone, no matter what I'm generally comfortable doing, I'll at least put my arm around her and give her a kiss on the cheek."
6. He doesn't use the pronoun "we" or use it in the future tense. If he talks about a great new restaurant he discovered, but doesn't add, "We should go there sometime"—and maybe he just says "I go there a lot"—then he's not interested in sharing things with you. Plus: "Guys who are into girls want to explore with them—not sit on the couch on every date," says Mike.
He's thinking, I wonder if I went back to that restaurant and got that waitress's number…
7. He doesn't do something sweet for you at least once a week. That doesn't mean he's buying you a dozen roses but he should have said or done something that made you go "Aw!" in the last seven days.
8. He doesn't ask questions about your family and friends.
9. He doesn't initiate at least 80% of the things you do together. "I call this the 80/20 rule," explains Mike. "When I don't like a girl, the 80% drops significantly. I'm not even aware of it. I'll get off the phone and never close the conversation with a set of plans." Note that it doesn't have to be exact plans, but it should at least be, "Let's hang out later this week and we'll do dinner. I'll call you tomorrow."
10. He doesn't remember your one month anniversary.
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11. He hasn't posted a picture of you together on Facebook within two months of the first date. Guys who are excited about you will post and tag your beautiful face!
Okay. Hopefully I didn't depress you. But the message here is, if you want a relationship with someone and he's acting out the above list, move on. I don't believe in "waiting it out" or "breaking him down" so he will "come around." Don't put up with someone who semi-likes you. Date someone who is dying to be with you. (You will find him—but you have to know you deserve it!!)
Have you ever been in any of these situations? Are you heading toward a relationship? Anyone in that gray area?
Photo: Vincent Besnault (woman on bed); Digital Vision (man holding wine glass); George Doyle (portrait of couple).
Topicsbeing singledatingdating advicelove and romancerelationshipswhat a girl wantswhat men want
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